TO BE A MAN

There are hundreds of ways in which men try to will
things that cannot be controlled: we will to sleep; we
will to have others like us, and we will to have
sexual virility. In all these things, the force of our
will does not always work, because what we want is
uncontrollable. They come to us and an outcome of many
factors-when the situation is right-when we have
become ready for them.

When we could not let go, when we did not know the
answers, we became more and more anxious. Then we
turned into addicts of these perplexities, or became
dependent on escapes from anxiety and wilfulness.

Life is difficult enough as it is. We never reach a
point where our path is free of obstacles and
hardships-and regardless of how much we grow, how
faithful we are to ourselves and other things; nothing
changes the fact that death is still there for us.

As painful and difficult as life is; life is also
deeply meaningful and worthwhile when we submit to its
realities, and live with a sense of understanding and
peace.-After we stop living in denial of that simple
truth, and accept the hard facts about life, we see
that we need each other. We need relationships to stay
sane, we need to pull together and support one another
the way people do in difficult times. Rugged
individualism isn’t always good for real people, in
the real world.

We need relationships so we can celebrate and make
music, and encourage one another. We need
relationships so we can laugh and make jokes, and tell
our personal stories-and we need to stand together in
order to help each other through the fog of confusion
we fill our minds with.

We do not need to create difficulties and pain in our
lives. Those are already present; they come with the
package of human existence. Some of us are actually
bewildered when we aren’t pressed by trouble-as we
grow, and our lives become ordered; many of us
thought; “life seems to be going so well, I wonder
what’s wrong”. We have become more accustomed to
remorse and crisis, than to joy and serenity.

What lies before us today is an unpainted picture.
There are many possibilities for events to take a good
turn. In this we must believe and affirm the good
things in order to accept them.

When our only expectations are pain and trouble; they
probably will be our only experience. However; when we
have faith in ourselves, and others that a better life
is possible; we open ourselves to receive it, and we
learn to control our own selfishness.

Because when we are selfish, we close off all channels
of exchange with others. Not only are we grabbing and
holding all the goods or attention we can get, but we
are denying others the possibility sharing with us the
benefits.

We may be selfish in material goods, but there are
others ways too: Some of us expect our spouses to meet
our needs, while making little effort to meet theirs.
By contrast, our generosity and welcoming responses
nourish the spirit within us to create a good
environment for growth. Sometimes though; giving
doesn’t come easily, until we have a more generous
spirit, and are in touch with our own vulnerabilities.

All of life is fragile, and we need each other to have
a good life. We can truly hold onto nothing but
ourselves, giving what we can of our time, our energy,
and our love, helps create the kind of life we want to
live in.

We are told constantly that the way to happiness is
through material possessions…But what does a Man
really want..?

He wants a feeling that his life makes sense. He wants
the give and take of a loving relationship. He wants
to feel he has a place in the world and can make a
contribution-and he wants the feeling that he is not
standing still, but growing in those ways.

Being poor certainly limit our options, but material
wealth is an empty seduction. Putting all our energy
into capturing wealth may make us rich, but it also
can become an addiction that causes unhappiness. We
become much richer in our souls and in our lives when
we take the risks that help us to improve our
relationships, and teach us how to live balanced
lives.

Trying to control and change people around us creates
problems in our relationships. When people we love are
expressing themselves, we are thinking about what we
wish they would say, and it blocks us from hearing
clearly. A need for safety and a guarantee that we
won’t be abandoned urges us to manipulate the people
that we love.

We know that we have innocent motives. We say we want
only the best, and that we are only trying to protect
ourselves or be helpful. But we hide from the effects
our actions have on our relationships.

We seem to be more trapped in these self-centered
behaviors with the ones we are closest to. But we can
slowly change ourselves by releasing our security grip
on others. That way we can focus more what others are
saying to us, than on changing how they think and
feel. Intimacy is clearly seeing each other and
knowing the difference as well as the similarities. It
requires that both people be able to walk separate
paths.

We could probably feel more tranquil if the world were
a simple place and always gave us simple answers. But
we are faced with many ambiguous and uncertain
situations-the changing role of men and women can
often leave us bewildered. We are engaged in the
development of relationships that have lives of their
own, and it’s not always clear where they are headed.
Even within ourselves we have contradictory feelings,
and it’s difficult to come up with clear answers.

Since we cannot force simplicity upon the world, we
must turn to ourselves for a new response. We can
become more tolerant of our own unsettled
predicaments. We can learn to have faith, that good
comes from change-things have a way of settling-out
and clarifying with time.

As we develop patience with these questions and
unclear issues in our lives, we gain a much deeper
serenity. The renewal of this serenity comes only
after we accept it by value in itself, and happens
only after we establish an honest relationship with
ourselves.

No longer can we excuse our minimizing white lies that
push aside the truth. No longer can we deny our
private fears and self doubts.. In our growing
sincerity with ourselves, we can admit our weakness.

The Start Reality Is Simply The Truth…! We build upon
solid reality, rather than fiction. Denying the truth
to ourselves always made us weaker, than the facts
themselves ever could. Viewing these facts from a
different position of acceptance shows they aren’t
nearly as bad as we first thought.

A Holier-Than-Thou attitude within us is often a sign
of unconscious dishonesty. Who hasn’t had the feeling
of being superior to the angry outburst, or tears of
another man-and then found themselves in the very same
spot the next day.-what we least want to admit to
ourselves, we are most likely to feel self righteous
about. Since our blind spots and self deceptions leave
us vulnerable, we must attack them vigorously. The man
we feel most self righteous toward, may be the man we
could learn the most from…

Yet so many devastating things can bring us to our
knees. With experience we learn that pain and trouble
are a part of life. Most of us have fought with
everyday realties as if they were our own personal
enemies. We accepted every challenge, thinking we had
to be winners every time.

Sometimes we feel broken by the loss of a love, by a
disappointing job, or our powerlessness over a loved
one; But in our brokenness we find our true humanity,
it is the beginning of our spiritual awakening. As men
we were taught that: surrender” was a word for losers
and weaklings. Life teaches us that opening ourselves
to our own brokenness open us to a new kind of
wholeness

After we acknowledge that we are not in control of
every event in our lives, and after realizing our own
place in the world, we can live the richness of
finding peace, serenity, and tranquility within
ourselves…

Something Old and Something New

The wine tastes good; cool, sparkling, and sweet. It
compliments the music playing softly in the
background; a melancholy feeling washing over me as I
gaze across the tree-lined hills surrounding my little
cabin out in the middle of nowhere….

Across the way, small birds play in the water of the
pond; they jump from reed to reed singing their songs
of love; happiness in their shrill voices…

My bare feet resting on a stump that I dragged out of
the woods last year, my shirt opened to the last
button; resting in my favorite rocking chair on my
porch as I sway gently back and forth…

The air smalls of spring, of new beginnings. It is a
time when all the coldness blanketing the earth peeks
out for that first look to see if everything is
alright. It is a time when nature blossoms with love
as the flowers magically appear on the distant grassy
hills, and the creatures of the forest renew love lost
from the last season-and I know that feeling all to
well…

I arrived here yesterday evening. Haven’t seen this
place for a few months,only in the back of my mind,
for those times that I need to escape the realities of
the world. It is this place my mind takes me to; and I
emerge renewed…

Now I am sitting on the front porch of my cabin. It
took me two years during the summer months to built it
from the ground up. Everything comes from Mother
Earth; except a few things that I couldn’t build, or
can’t live without…

The air is still nippy and the wind makes the top of
the trees sway back and forth soothing me with that
swishing sound it makes..One of my favorite sounds in
the world. I look around at my little piece of heaven,
caught up in the unreal beauty of this area; and
realize that this is the place that I want to be
buried in, to contribute my body to this heaven on
earth as my soul wanders the distant hills…

Over on my right, across the little grassy field; my
horse “Moussie” nibbles at the new grass, occasionally
looking up to see if I am paying attention to her. I
try not to look; but she is a beauty in her own right.
I bought her from a family across the state. When I
first saw her she was a mess. The people were having a
hard time taking care of themselves; so that left no
time, attention, or food for my little beast. She was
filthy, and I paid three times what she was worth;
everything that I had saved in my bank account. But
she will never be hungry again, or alone, or left out
in the cold of winter…..

The music has stopped; once again the quietness of the
Wyoming forest returns to me; and sometimes it gets
really quiet here; but mostly it gets quiet in my mind
as I sort through and live with the emotions raging
within me…..

You see friend; yesterday I lost something that I feel
like I’ve had all my life. I lost something that was
very important to me; a something that I had been
carrying around for so long; that I forgot where I put
it once it was gone; and I realize how important that
something was. Now I’m trying to figure out exactly
where I lost something so I can go back and find it
again…..

This something wasn’t something you can hold, or
something you can eat, or even something you can
touch. Well maybe in a way you could touch it; but
that requires a special touch, more of a feeling than
a human touch; like with my fingers; but I feel like I
could just about put my fingers on it, but not
really..It Was Something…

The damned thing is that something changed in me when
I lost that something in the first place, and that is
something because I forgot how important that
something was to me in the first place.The thing is
that I know something is missing, and I know something
isn’t right, and I feel like I should be doing
something about it; but something just isn’t clicking
here…..

So for most of the morning I have been sitting here on
my front porch thinking about something, hoping that
something will happen, but something just escapes
me…..

My horse is till nibbling and trying to keep her eye
on me; guess she knows something is wrong. The birds
are still happily singing their love songs; but once
in a while they stop, and I have to look over there to
see if something is up; maybe they know something that
I don’t…..

I get up, stretch, and walk into my cabin. My feet
making those barefoot-on-wood sounds as I pad into the
main room. A slight whiff of wood smoke catches my
attention; and I remember the coffee pot that’s been
boiling on the wood stove all morning. Now that’s
gotta be something…..

Passing by the fireplace and into the bedroom I see
something…Something catches my attention…A picture
sitting on the nightstand beside my oh-so-comfortable
bed. I pick up the little gold frame and see something
that makes my heart skip a beat or something…..

It’s her; the girl back East that made my heart go
pitter-patter or something; and as I sit on the edge
of the bed holding her picture and fall back onto the
pillows, her picture held close to my heart; I
remember what is was that I lost:

I lost something with her; something that had a
beginning but never a chance. I lost the opportunity
to tell her something, and show her how important
something inside of me is, and that maybe I could say
something to her that would make her think about
something that both of were feeling, or something and
I know she felt something too, because I felt it
coming from her; and that’s something because we never
even held each other in the rain, or even kissed each
other, or something…..

But mostly I just wanted to show her that something
was possible even when you think you have nothing.
That two people loving each other without question is
something in itself, and that is something many, many
people try to find and never will, because they try to
find something with their eyes instead of their
hearts…..

So I lay here on this bed getting lost in that
picture; knowing damned well that I better be doing
something about this before its to late or
something…and lost forever…..

The horse is still outside nibbling; the birds are
still singing; the wind still whispers through the
trees, but it sounds different or something. I stare
up at the wood ceiling sending out my silent signals
across the forest,flowing through the snow-capped
mountains and over the western prairies sun-baked earth
to arrive thousands of miles away at Nanette’s place;
hoping she hears me, hoping she understands why, and
hoping she lets me know her feelings, or
something…..

Time Eternal

It is What It Is By Franke Schein

Time whispers silently into my ears; it whispers lovingly of thee; of moments intimate, of joys within
the serenity of your touch; of words spoken in the shadows of togetherness as time journeys forth into
the twilight of our lives; forever reminding me of you, forever giving me comfort and peace that our
spirits wander close, though seperate our paths maylead…

You and I; two strangers; flourshing in hope, found of desire; feeling the embrace that only two like spirits
can feel; wandering hand in hand together in our minds, yet living life a league apart. Perchance our
meeting in this lifetime, perhaps already touching in a previous life; this already ordained; this already
consummated upon the altars if time itself…

Wherfore Thous Walks…..There I Be; Wherefore thou feels the light of love upon thy heart…There I Am; a
reflection of hope glimmering within; a shadow crossing into paradise eternal; blessed in comfort
that love finds happy our souls, at peace in the knowledge that togetherness finds again our union of
hearts. Contentment swelling within that you and I have touched one another in this life; our fingers
finding neither skin or bone; yet our hearts mingling as only you can feel, and as only I can give to you…

How then my Dearest; can I Not speak these things to you; How can I keep still the quiet rush of surrender
giving way within me as yet another dawn creeps across the landscape of time itself; to appease the yearning
enticing my mind and perpetually stirring my craving of thee into the farthest reaches of my existence. For
to be as such; would be as to loose my eyes; to loose that burning fire consummated from the fiery depths of
love eternal – No; these things I breath; these things I feel with the damnation of existence; these things
uniquely mine to bear; and yours, uniquely yours to share…

Each night as I fix my eyes upon the stars I see you smiling in their reflection. Each day as I revel in
the sunshine I feel your warmth touching me. Each moment as I go about the ways of my life, I feel a
connection with yours. My senses flooded; my eyes cast unto the distant horizon seeking a vision of you so
prevailing upon my mind, it fills me with a deeper perception of who I am, and and what I seek. In all
that I am, and in all that I attain; I see you there with me. In everything that I feel; you are there
feeling it with me, and in mind, body, and spirit; I realize you are part of me; always having been so;
eternally forever a nourishment sustaining my wholeness and the spirit that carries me throughout
the ages…

Forever it has been like this; forever more so it shall remain, until life renewed awakens the sleeping
embrace only found once in this lifetime; when at last time finds us together again pleasing our hearts, and
satisfying the eternal hunger each finds in the other.

In that precious momen; For Us….Time eternal stands still…